Airline Announcement

Here’s some random info about your flight that’s probably inaccurate.

All carry-ones will now be stapled to the wings for your convenience and safety.

Our customer service dominatrix will be by shortly to bludgeon you with the drink cart and insult your ethnic heritage. As of next month, this service will only be free to subservient lackey-class passengers.

Also effective immediately, all mental health companion animals will be subject to humiliating and intrusive searches or barbecue depending on in-flight food service requirements.

Sit back, relax, and enjoy your flight.